How do you know when you’re in love? Well, there are signs that you exhibit whenever you fall under love’s spell; signs you’re in love.
Most of the time, love creeps upon us; we don’t realize we are falling in love until we are head over heels in it.
Sometimes, we don’t even know if it’s love or just an infatuation; most of us are usually clueless when it comes to love.
In this blog post, I discuss 13 signs you exhibit when you’re in love; most people experience a different combination of some or all of the signs (love is different for everyone) but on a grander scale we all experience love in almost similar ways.
Signs You’re In Love
1. Your Beloved takes on Special Meaning
One of the first things that happen when you fall in love is that your “love object” takes on special meaning; your beloved becomes new, exciting and all-important to you.
Your beloved becomes the center of your world, and it feels like your entire world revolves around him or her. That is why lovers say, “you mean the world to me”.
Perhaps, you’re only one person in the world, but for me, you`re the whole world.
2. You Give Your Beloved All Your Attention
One of the integral parts of romantic love is focussed attention; you focus all of your attention on your beloved, ignoring everyone else.
In context, you’re telling your beloved, ”I have eyes for only you”.
You focus on all the trivial things that your beloved said or did; like the time he accidentally spilled coffee all over his shirt (he looks so cute when he’s embarrassed or shy), like the time she confessed to you about not liking her boss (that made you feel closer to her).
When you’re in love, you obsess about all the little characteristics of your beloved; the smell of her hair, the smell of his shirt, her perfume (OMG she smells like heaven), his muscular arms, her slender body, her sense of humor, all those kinds of stuff.
Put briefly, you notice every little detail of your beloved.
3. You Idealize Your Beloved
When you fall in love you tend to idealize your beloved; in your eyes, your beloved is perfect and without fault. You magnify the tiny aspects of your beloved and ignore his flaws.
Even when you do take notice of the flaws, it only makes you love him more.
Love is an illusion and when you’re in love you only look at your beloved through rose-colored glasses. (You see an ideal, perfect picture of your beloved, ignoring all reality that may taint that picture).
Is there not in every . . . [love at first sight] a certain wilful exaggeration of the qualities of the beloved . . . ?
Alain De Botton. “Essays in Love.”
4. You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Beloved
You can’t get him out of your head; no matter where your thoughts start, you end up thinking of him. Even when you’re at work or school, your mind continuously drifts to your beloved.
This is what psychologists call “intrusive thinking”; it is one of the primary symptoms of romantic love (obsessive mediation about the beloved).
Writing about his beloved, Alain De Botton recounted:
“The thought of Chloe did not stop haunting me in the days that followed our encounter. Though under pressure to complete plans for an office building near King’s Cross, my mind drifted irresponsibly but irresistibly back to her. I felt the need to circle around the object of my adoration, she kept breaking into consciousness with the urgency of a matter that had to be addressed, …”
Alain De Botton. Essays in Love.
5. You Feel Intense Emotions Around Your Beloved
Your heart skips a beat whenever you see your beloved. At an extreme, you can’t eat or sleep because of your feelings for your beloved (you’re overwhelmed by your intense emotions towards her).
Intense energy accompanies the feeling of love; that is why you enjoy talking with your beloved throughout the night or spend hours writing romantic poems or crafting romantic messages.
You also feel agitated or nervous whenever you’re around your beloved. Some people feel painfully shy or awkward when in the presence of their beloved; all signs of intense emotions.
You make me crazy, Seeing you, My Lesbia, takes my breath away. My tongue freezes, my body is / filled with flames
Catullus, Roman Poet.
6. You Have Mood Swings: From Ecstasy to Despair
He replies to your texts, returns your calls, arrives on time for your dates, and all is well with the world. But if he forgets to return your call or blows you off, you begin to feel despair.
You may even become depressed or agitated until you can account for your beloved’s actions and relieve your trampled heart.
Simply put: when you are in love, your beloved’s actions strongly affect your emotional well-being.
You could be in a state of ecstasy one moment and then be filled with despair the next, depending on the actions of your beloved.
And romantic love is not calm – it’s elation, it’s mood swings…
7. You Yearn For Emotional Union With Your Beloved
When you’re in love, you crave emotional union with your beloved. Without a connection to your beloved, you feel incomplete or hollow, as if a part of you is missing.
Deep down, you are always hoping that your beloved is attracted to you just as much as you are attracted to her.
Philosopher Robert Solomon believes this intense desire is the primary reason the lover says, “I love you.” This is not statement of fact but a request for confirmation. The lover yearns to hear those potent words, “I love you, too.” ‘
Helen Fisher, Why We Love.
8. You Look For Clues
When you don’t know whether your love is appreciated and returned, you become hypersensitive to the cues that your beloved sends; you dissect your beloved’s actions, looking for clues that reveal his true feelings towards you.
“Was I correct to detect traces of flirtation at the ends of her sentences and the corners of her smiles, or was this merely my own desire projected onto the face of innocence?”
“Desire had turned me into a relentless hunter for clues, a romantic paranoiac, reading meaning into everything.”
Alain De Botton, Essays In Love.
9. You Change Your Priorities to fit Your Beloved’s
When you’re in love, you may change your clothing style, your mannerisms, your habits and sometimes even your habits to win over your beloved.
You may even change your personality to please your beloved. You tend to change your interests to please your beloved too; a new interest in tango, water-skiing, golf, even moving to a new city in order to be with your beloved.
And as Dr. Helen Fisher wrote,, “Lovers rearrange their lives to accommodate a beloved.”
. . . a need to take on a personality that was not my own, a seducing self that would respond to every demand and suggestion made by my exalted companion. Love forced me to look at myself as though through Chloe’s imagined eyes. ‘Who could I become to please her?’ I wondered. I did not tell flagrant lies, I simply attempted to anticipate everything I believed she might want to hear.
Alain De Botton, Essays In Love.
10. You Become Emotionally Dependent
When you’re in love, you become emotionally dependent on the relationship. You crave to always be in touch with your beloved; you may even suffer separation anxiety whenever you’re out of touch with your beloved for a long period.
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine how dependent you’ve become on your beloved, when, perhaps, just a few months or weeks ago you didn’t even know this person; love’s such a mystery.
Have you ever felt like you couldn’t live without your beloved?
11. You Feel Empathy for Your Beloved
You feel happy when he is happy, you feel sad when he is sad. You feel strong empathy for your beloved that you may even sacrifice yourself (your money, time, resources) to make sure your beloved is happy.
Love makes you sensitive to the feelings of your beloved; you become invested in their happiness.
“she laughed his joy she cried his grief.”
Poet e. e. cummings
12. You’re Sexually Attracted to Your Beloved
Intense sexual craving for your beloved is one of the basic characteristics of romantic love. That is why people are newly in love find it hard to “keep their hands off each other”.
Romantic love is intertwined with intense sexual feelings; feelings that are sometimes hard to control.
“I would rather die a hundred times than be without your sweet lovemaking. I love you. I love you desperately. I love you as I love my own soul.”
The Golden Ass, by Apuleius
13. You feel Jealous
You can’t say you’re in love if you don’t feel jealous – sometimes. It’s a natural feeling that comes with being in love and it helps to nourish the romantic fire between lovers.
And here’s a song by Nick Jonas titled Jealous. We could safely say he was in love when he wrote this song.
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