Do you want to get over that guy or girl that broke your heart?
Indeed, love is sometimes described as an addictive feeling, and we crave it just like we crave any addictive substance.
But when we lose it, we go through painful stages of withdrawal.
Quoting Helen Fisher,
“Love is a positive addiction when your love is returned, [and] a horrible negative fixation when your love is spurned and you can’t let go.”
We ought to pay attention to the second part of the quote:
“ …a horrible negative fixation when your love is spurned and you can’t let go.”
This horrible negative fixation haunts us and threatens our happiness, sometimes crippling us from moving on with our lives.
So, granted, we would want to learn how to minimize — or possibly avoid — the terrible aftermath of heartbreak.
In this blog post, we will discuss the tips and tricks and the tools you will need to get over a breakup — and fast!
A Few Ground Rules
Throughout this writing, we would refer to your past lover as the enemy (oh, you can call them any name you want — scoundrel and whatnot).
The enemy has set up camp in your head, and we must do everything in our power to drive them out and set you free.
We are here to learn the fastest way to get over our heartache and would spare no punches. (Are you with me?)
Whoever you are trying to get over must have hurt you badly, and we need to get rid of that scoundrel ASAP.
When I wrote this blog post, I had not truly experienced a real heartbreak yet, but as life would have it, I recently had my heart broken into pieces.
This heartbreak threatened to render me insane and unable to live without the love of my ex-lover, and so I was faced with a dilemma: to listen to my own advice or to drown in my misery.
I chose to listen to my own advice, and it turns out the advice was not that bad after all.
Indeed, I know that most of the advice in this blog post may sound like just theory to you, but I am certain that if you make a genuine effort to apply them in your life, you will achieve your desired result.
There is no one-size-fits-all, to be honest, and in my own bid to get over my heartbreak, I tried a lot of the strategies given in this blog post.
In the end, I combined quite a few of the strategies and left out the rest.
This is what I did: I completely avoided social media, as my ex and I had a lot of mutual friends in common, and blocking her was not going to solve my problem.
I also avoided going to any of the places we used to frequent together, so as to not bring back any memories — at least not so soon.
Lastly, I immersed myself in my work and went out often with friends. In short, I did everything to make sure I was busy and did not have the time or mental space to think about my ex.
In the beginning, it was hard, as my mind kept drifting back to her over and over again. But slowly, I won back my mind and healed my heart.
Side-note: During the evenings when I was left alone with my thoughts, I watched movies to distract and entertain myself. Free time alone can be devastating if not filled with activity.
Important note to take away: After a fresh breakup, you must not give yourself the free time or mental space to drown in your misery or continuously think about your ex. Get busy, enjoy life, watch movies, go on a vacation, do anything to distract yourself, and, most importantly, make yourself happy.
Now, dear reader, you must use the following strategies as a guide. There are no hard and fast rules, and you must do what you think will be best for you.
How to Get Over a Breakup Fast
1. Remove All Traces of Your Lost Love From Your Life
So you still have their pictures on your phone? Delete them. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.
Throw out cards, letters, or anything that will remind you of them.
Simply get rid of anything in your life that will remind you of the scoundrel who broke your heart.
You know why we are doing this? Because love will thrive on the smallest chance given to it.
And accidentally stumbling on a cute photo of you and your past lover is all that is needed to reignite the love.
Avoiding all contacts with your past lover is a very effective strategy, so don’t call or text them.
Delete their numbers and avoid them completely, more so on social media.
If you’re friends on social media, then I advise you to unfriend them and/or block them completely.
You don’t need to know what’s going on in their lives — it will only hurt you to see them move on and do so well without you.
And we also don’t want anything to remind you of them or the love that you felt for them.
If you see them in person, depart immediately. Do not mingle with the enemy, and allow them to steal your heart again.
Remember, love can thrive on very little fuel, and even the briefest contact with your past lover can reignite the love.
If you wish to get over the breakup, you must remove all traces of your lost love.
You must make a clean break and rebuild your life again.
2. Meditate and Develop Positive Mantras
Meditating and spending some time with your own thoughts has the tendency to calm your mind and thus calm your breaking heart, too.
You can use the meditation period to reflect on your life and past mistakes, learning from them and creating new resolutions.
Moreover, you should develop positive mantras that will boost your self-esteem and help you project your mind out of your failed relationship.
Repeat these mantras daily and project your thoughts toward a much more loving and successful relationship.
3. Remind Yourself of Their Negative Traits
If you can’t stop thinking about your past lover, then dwell on their negative traits.
We have a tendency to remember all the good times and block out the bad moments.
But if you truly want to get rid of this scoundrel who has set camp in your mind, then you have to remind yourself of all their negative traits; all the times that they hurt you.
If you must, write down their faults and carry the list with you.
Whenever you find yourself thinking about them or missing them, take out the list and remind yourself of why you’re no longer together.
4. Picture a Better Future
There’s nothing so powerful as hope for a better future.
If you still can’t get your past lover out of your head, then begin to imagine yourself with someone else – your ideal partner.
Fantasize a better future and make it good. Imagine yourself with a new partner, someone who truly loves and cherishes you.
Fantasize the perfect partner and the perfect life, and use it to replace your old thoughts.
Someone is camping in your mind; you must throw the scoundrel out.
5. Get Busy
It’s extremely important to stay busy.
Don’t stay in bed, depressed, and feeling sorry for yourself; that will only make things worse.
This is the best time to plunge head deep into your work and social life.
You must distract yourself and concentrate on other important aspects of your life.
Spend more time with friends. Go out. Go to events. Visit neighbors. Listen to music. Take up a new hobby.
Dance. Sing. Travel. Write Poetry. Get a pet.
Try something new and have fun.
Show yourself that you can still be happy.
And remember that you were doing perfectly fine before that relationship and you will continue to do so after it.
6. Exercise and Stay Healthy
Exercise is particularly good for heartbroken lovers.
Every time you spend being inactive, you give your past lover the time to reignite the love in your aching heart.
Exercise can give you an escape.
Any form of physical exertion will lift your mood.
Running, biking, HIIT workouts, and other forms of strenuous physical activities are known to drive up levels of dopamine in the brain – a chemical that bestows feelings of euphoria and excitement.
Exercise also releases chemicals in the brain that puts you in a calm and relaxing mood.
7. Get a Little Bit of Sunlight Each Day
Sunlight is another remedy for heartbroken lovers.
So instead of staying indoors and getting more and more depressed.
Go out for a little dose of sunlight each day.
Sunlight is known to stimulate chemicals in the brain that often elevate your mood.
So pick an outdoor activity that you can do each day in broad sunlight.
Maybe go for a walk each morning, or spend your afternoons in the park.
Anything to get you outside and feeling much better.
I know it’s hard to be optimistic when you’re heartbroken but you’ve got to try.
Optimism heals and it’s good for your mind and body.
So count your blessings and be grateful for everything and everyone you have in your life.
Start a gratitude list and every day write 5 things you’re grateful for; see how much that will improve your mood.
9. Finally, Smile
Smile and put on a happy face even as you battle with your feelings inside.
When you smile, Helen Fisher explains,
“The nerves of these facial muscles activate nerve pathways in the brain that can give you feelings of pleasure. Even imagining that you are happy can spur pleasurable brain activity.”
So smile to show that you’re happy, even if you aren’t – yet.
And truly, I tell you that you can easily get over your breakup, it just takes determination and time.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There’s no one-size-fits-all amount of time to get over someone after a breakup.
Everyone is wired differently and it may take different people different amounts of time to get over a breakup.
With that said, I believe that the amount of time needed to get over a breakup depends strongly on how determined you are about moving on and being happy again.
Putting things into perspective, it may take from just a week to several weeks or months to get over a breakup.
But if you take the strategies in this post very seriously, you should be able to get over your break up in no time.
As a bonus, below are tried and tested slogans and tenets that should help you achieve your goal of moving on and being happy again.
4 Basic Tenets Borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
Alcoholics Anonymous is an organization that helps alcoholics recover from their addiction.
The AA has an array of tenets that are powerful for helping addicts overcome their addiction – even love addicts.
As they say, love is an addictive drug.
- “One day at a time”
For members of AA, it seems impossible and unrealistic to consider giving up alcohol for the rest of your life, but you can resist the urge hour by hour.
“Just for today”, they say, “I will not drink”.
This turns the seemly impossible goal of giving up alcohol for the rest of one’s life into very simple realistic goals of just resisting alcohol for an hour.
And then for the next hour. And then the next and so on.
In the same vein, the heartbroken lover can decide not to contact the ex-lover – just for today.
- “If you don’t want to slip, don’t go into slippery places”
It becomes quite impossible to stay sober if you’re always in bars or around places where you can easily access alcohol.
To members of AA, this means completely disassociating yourself from people and places who may trigger you to relapse.
For the heartbroken love addict, this means temporarily cutting ties with people and places that may remind you of your ex-lover.
Avoid going to restaurants where both of you frequented; avoid mutual friends if you can; don’t play songs that will remind you of them.
Simply put: avoid anything that may bring back any feelings for your ex-lover.
Most of us go on a lot of first dates that don’t materialize into anything more than that; so it’ll be unwise to jump into bed with every one of our dates.
Reserve yourself for the special one; or at least till you both agree you’re exclusive.
- “It’s the first drink that gets you drunk”
Members of AA know that when they have their first glass, they will definitely have a second, and a third and fourth, until they basically wasted.
Similarly, don’t make that first call or text your ex-lover, thinking it’s harmless.
It’s that first contact that will lead to many more contacts and thus more misery.
Remember that love is very addictive.
Don’t fall for the trap of contacting the scoundrel who broke your heart in the pretense that you’ll be strong enough to stop things from getting out of hands.
Make a clean break and move on with your life.
- “Think the drink through”
For members of AA, this means that as you sit in a restaurant watching all the other people sipping glasses of champagne, you must force yourself to think past this nice moment to its possible end.
Just a glass of champagne could ruin months of staying sober and bring about a miserable return to old habits for months to come.
In the same way, the heartbroken lover tends to romanticize the good old days.
So they phone their ex-lover with these wonderful memories in mind, craving for things to return to how they used to be.
But think past these wonderful memories to a time when your ex-lover treated you very badly.
Remind yourself of the reasons why things couldn’t work out between you two.
Ending this section with wise words from Dr. Helen Fisher, she says,
“Better to give up the [ love ] drug and rebuild your life. And remember: your former lover won’t help you.”